Unimaginable pain. That's what you have when your child passes away before you, unimaginable pain. Literally, there is no way to imagine, no matter how hard you could try, you could never truly imagine never seeing your child again, never touching them again, never hearing their laugh, never hearing their cry, never seeing their face, never holding their hand, never having your child with you again, never... When I say it's unimaginable pain, that's exactly what I mean.
The pain is definitely not as raw now, but I've also had 4 years to learn how to live with it. As much as I wish I could hold him again, kiss his cheek, and touch his face, I'm so glad it is not 4 years ago, because there's no way I could say goodbye to my child, not again.
They say "time heals all wounds"... I say no, time does not heal all wounds, rather, with time, you learn to live with your wounds.
The days are the same length, but I've learned to live them without you.
The thoughts of you are still strong, but I've learned not to cry at each thought.
The nights are still dark and quiet, but I've learned to sleep again, most of the time.
Most people no longer mention my son, I think it makes them uncomfortable, but I've learned to live with their uncomfortalbleness and I still mention him.
Some people still say "you're so strong", but I continue to say what I've said all along, I'm not strong... I'm simply surviving. ♥♥♥♥
Until we meet again baby boy, I will miss you forever and love you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.
♥Landon Paul Rodgers♥
May you rest in Peace my sweet son
March 26, 2010
