Day 11: Supportive Friends/Family

Imagine losing your hold on life, everything you knew... is no more, what you thought you had... is gone, your world has been flipped upside down and there's not a thing you can do about it. It's not a good feeling, not a good feeling at all.

In fact, you're feeling your worst, yet you're not feeling at all, not really. Your mind kind of shuts off. I imagine it's some sort of self preservation mechanism, or something. Losing your baby is not natural, it's not suppose to happen, so there are no coping mechanisms in place. Rather than swell up and BURST, your brain simply falls into self preservation mode and shuts off that portion. You think you're feeling and grieving, but you're really just barely functioning.
If you talk to any baby loss mom, they'll tell you that some time after their loss, generally several months or longer, it's like they suddenly wake up, like a fog has lifted, and they didn't even realize they were living in a fog.

I remember my fog lifting, I remember thinking where have I been... it's like you can finally start thinking clearly, you can finally feel again, you can finally start grieving, and eventually, you find that you can finally start living again.

Day 11 is supportive friends/family. When you fall into that hole of baby loss, when your brain shuts down, while your body sits at the bottom of that hole waiting for your brain to catch up, that's when you find out who your friends are. As I've said before, there will be people at the top of that hole who will move on without you... maybe they're too busy, maybe they're too uncomfortable, maybe they're just not the friends you thought they were. Through your loss, you'll find out who really matters. There will be some friends and family that step up and support you as best they know how. I have several people who have been there for me every step of the way. I have one person who has who has truly seen me through every step. This person has been there at my weakest and continues to help me stand when I fall. This one person continues to stand by my side through thick and thin, when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm mad, they are always there holding my hand. This is the only person who has seen me at my worst and continues to be there for me no matter what I do and no matter what I say, because he knows the grief I feel first hand... he lost his son too. This is a picture of my husband, Landon's daddy, Paul.