When you no longer have the luxury of holding your sweet child, things, possessions become important. His pictures, a lock of his hair, a cast mold of his foot, the clothes he wore, the blanket he was wrapped in... these items become all you have left to hold on to. Snuggling a blanket and taking in the smell, holding his lock of hair in your hand, these things are all you have left to feel close to your child.
Day 4 is supposed to be your most treasured item. When thinking about this, I struggled. I don't think any of the items I have qualify as my most treasured. I thought of Landon's lock of hair, the only real piece of him left, I treasure his lock of hair, but is that my most treasured? The cast mold of Landon's foot, it is a perfect replication of his foot from mid calf down to his little toes, complete with the wrinkles that were in his skin. I remember holding him and thinking how I would remember his size and I placed his foot on my hand... his toes at the tip of my finger and his heel came right to where my finger joins my hand. When the hospital gave me this cast mold, I immediately placed my finger on his foot, it fit perfectly, I treasure my mold of him, but is that my most treasured? Landon's pictures, time can make you forget the little things, pictures can help you remember. I am ever so grateful to my Aunt for taking so many pictures for us, if not for her, I wouldn't have one single picture of my son, I treasure his pictures, but are they my most treasured?
I have a memory box filled with pictures and ultrasound pictures, hospital papers, his hospital band, his nursery card, his hand prints, his foot prints, baby shower cards, sympathy cards, all of the funeral information, basically pieces of Landon's life from start to finish all in that memory box, but are they my most treasured?
I have a curio cabinet in the living room with things that remind me of Landon, a sculpture of dad with his arms around mom who is holding a baby with angel wings, a glass heart with the footprints poem, a sculpture with a little boy and a balloon of hope, christmas ornaments, pictures, cards with his name on them, his baby blanket, a Mickey Mouse hat with his name and birthday, and some statues from his funeral, but are they my most treasured?
I have my Molly Bear Landon. He moves from place to place. My friend made him for me, he weighs 4 pounds and 12 ounces, just like my Landon weighed when he was born. When I came home from the hospital without my baby, I came in the house and went straight for the couch. Landon's swing was by the couch. I remember lying on the couch for days pushing that empty swing. When I got my bear, he went in the swing and I pushed him... it was the next best thing. He moves around now, sometimes he's in the toy box, sometimes he sits in the jumperoo, sometimes he sits on the floor. He accompanied me to give birth to Landon's baby brother. He is my Landon and I treasure him, but is he my most treasured item?
It took us 11 years to get pregnant with Landon, 11 years struggling with unexplained infertility, it took 9 months to get pregnant with Jaxon. I feel Landon sent me his brother, he at least had a hand in it. Jaxon is my most treasured item, but does that count?
I had a very hard time trying to figure out what my most treasured item was, so I thought what if there was a fire, what would I grab? I would grab Jaxon, my computer, and my Molly Bear Landon. Jaxon is a given, my computer holds copies of every picture I have of Landon, and my Landon Bear allows me to physically hold what I once held, the weight of my baby. I guess I know what my most treasure item(s) are. Here is a picture of Jaxon with my Landon Bear who is holding a picture of Landon... Jaxon, my bear, and his pictures, my most treasured items.
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