Sometimes when I see a butterfly, I believe Landon sent it to me. Maybe he just wanted to send me a smile, and it came in the form of a butterfly. I don't feel that way every time I see a butterfly, only when he wants me to feel that way, only when he wants me to feel him.
I believe that our lost loved ones are able to send us signs when we need them. Maybe they need to see a smile on our face so they send us a butterfly, that butterfly makes us smile, and that butterfly has served its purpose. Maybe they send us a certain flower, perfectly bloomed and swaying in the wind to catch our attention, and make us smile, and that flower has served its purpose. I believe Landon sends me rainbows.
After Landon died, most of his stuff was packed up, placed in his bedroom, and the door closed. I insisted his swing remain in the living room. I spent months lying on the couch pushing that empty swing, then I spent months lying on the couch pushing my Molly Bear Landon on that swing. One day while I was rearranging Landon Bears blankets I noticed the smallest rainbow right on my foot. My foot was directly below the swing, I tried to follow that rainbow to its source but was unsuccessful... that rainbow was from Landon.
One day I was playing cards at my moms house with several family members. As I reached to the center of the table, the tiniest rainbow appeared on my bicep. A smile immediately came upon my face. I knew it was from Landon and I said so. One of the family members said it wasn't from him and insisted it was "because of the sun shining on something". I decided to follow it to its source since I hadn't been able to do so with that first rainbow. After a minute or so I was able to follow this rainbow to the peep hole in my moms front door. We were sitting in the dining room, the door was in the living room, the sun was at the exact location to shine through that itty bitty peep hole and send a tiny rainbow directly on MY bicep, I do not believe that was a coincidence... that rainbow was from Landon.
One afternoon on my school bus route, the sun was exceptionally bright. As I made a turn, I noticed something near the sun, it was a sliver of a rainbow. When I looked closer, I saw that there were actually two slivers of a rainbow, one on either side of the sun. Those two little rainbows made me smile... I think Landon was letting me know that he and his angel bff Kylee were saying hi... those rainbows were sent from Landon.
In the baby loss community, we speak of "rainbow babies". If you've been wondering what exactly we mean...
A rainbow baby is a baby that is born following the loss of a baby. In the real world, a beautiful and bright rainbow follows a storm and gives hope of better things to come. Having just experienced the storm, the rainbow is that much more appreciated. Rainbow babies are the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it does not mean that the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath, what it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and the clouds. Storm clouds may still loom over but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy, and much needed hope.
Along with all the other rainbows, I received my rainbow baby a little over 19 months after Landon died. Jaxon is my rainbow baby... a special rainbow sent from Landon.
One morning, Jaxon was playing on the floor and I noticed a little rainbow right on his head. Seeing that little rainbow on Jaxon's head made me smile, it made me think that Landon was there playing with his little brother... that rainbow was sent from Landon.
Another day Jaxon was napping on his boppy and a tiny rainbow appeared on his forehead. Another sign that Landon was there with his little brother... another rainbow sent from Landon.
Day 13 is signs... Landon sends me rainbows. I noticed a rainbow on my living room floor one day and started to follow it to its source. I put my hand in the rainbow and started following, then I got distracted by the rainbow. I was mesmerized by the colors, I was holding a rainbow in my hand, an actual rainbow in my hand... I could have chosen the picture I took of the rainbow on my foot, I could have chosen one of the pictures of the rainbows on Jaxon's head, but I chose a picture of the rainbow in my hand. I can no longer hold Landon in my hands, but he gives me rainbows, and I can hold his rainbows.
No comments:
Post a Comment